How to Spot the Difference Between a Power Play and a Peace Offering

Because not every call for “peace” is peaceful.

There’s a tactic I’ve come to recognize polished, persuasive, and profoundly manipulative. It often arrives cloaked in righteousness, laced with legalese, and framed as concern for the kids.

But when you strip away the performance, you’re left with this: A demand. A threat. A power play.

Not all communication that sounds like compromise is rooted in actual willingness to collaborate. Some people use the language of peace as a smokescreen a way to appear composed while tightening control. So how do you tell the difference?

A peace offering says:

“Let’s sit down, own our parts, and find a path forward.”

A power play says:

“You’re the problem. Fix it. Or else.”

Power plays often sound like this:

• “Everyone sees the truth about you.”

• “If you don't do this my way you are hurting the kids.”

• “You’ve burned every bridge”

• “The only path forward is through my framework.”

This isn’t a path to resolution.It’s an ultimatum wrapped in faux diplomacy.

Peace offerings, on the other hand, sound like this:

• “I’m open to hearing your side.”

• “We’ve both contributed to the breakdown.”

• “Let’s agree on a structure we both trust.”

• “The kids deserve better. Let’s show up differently.”

That’s what emotional maturity sounds like. That’s what actual co-parenting requires.

Here’s the difference, in one line:

A power play needs someone to lose. A peace offering wants everyone to grow.

So if you're feeling confused, overwhelmed, or under attack pause and ask yourself: Does this conversation invite me into dialogue, or demand my silence? Is this person regulating their tone or weaponizing it? Do they ask honest questions or just deliver conclusions? And most importantly: What happens when I disagree? Are you met with curiosity or punishment?

At I Object, we name the games no one talks about.

We expose the polished predators who hide behind credentials and composure. We challenge the idea that if someone sounds calm, they must be right. And we reclaim the right to define peace on terms that are mutual not manipulative. Because the difference between a peace offering and a power play? It’s the difference between resolution and re-traumatization.

We know the difference now and We Object.